The pain of Betrayal and Death. Both so close. A pain that no words can heal, no touch can mend and no smile can be seen during. That one moment when everything in the world just stops in an unexpected sucker punch from someone you’ve trusted. Both create a sense of rejection, loneliness & uncomfortable emotion. A pain so deep that it can cut through the marrow of your very foundation, allowing the enemy to come in like a flood and remind you of all the reasons you hate to look in the mirror. Gloating in the corner, his once apparent smirk becomes a grin in disillusionment; almost, but not quite, believable.
There is a choice; to wallow in unforgiveness, bitterness & pity or go to the Throne Room. On my face before the One who has loved me through every dirty deed, I ask for His grace. I have hurt others; I am not sinless and do not expect others to be. But that knowledge doesn’t heal the hurt, it just offers pardon. It doesn’t take away the sting, but does allow me to turn the other cheek. So I lay there and wait for the inevitable Word; the Grace that is all sufficient to see me through.
And it comes by way of Psalm 23. “God, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction. Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd’s crook makes me feel secure. You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies. You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing. Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. I’m back home in the house of God for the rest of my life.” (The Message)
What’s at that banqueting table of good foods? What pleasures does He share with me to assuage my need for revenge or at best ‘get evens’? I search through the bowls and plates of fruits and find love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, longsuffering and faithfulness. Ah…faithfulness…devotion, loyalty, dedication. In any relationship these are authentic displays of love. Releasing these in the face of hurt will surely bring joy and peace as I pour out on another as my Father would to me.
The pain of Betrayal and Death. Both so close and yet one need not be eternal. I choose to go the way of the Lord when He declared from the cross, ‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they do’. Walking down this dreary, dark hallway today I see a door and under the door a light. I am going to open that door and walk in the way of the truth that will set me free.