I’m turning 60. That alone should be enough said. If you’re younger or older than that it is of no consequence. You are either not at that pivot point or you’ve surmounted it. At any rate, I am there and experiencing mixed emotions.
I have more wrinkles than energy. I also have more wisdom. I have aches and pains where I used to have muscle. I also love harder. I say things like “the kids these days” and “when I was that age”. I’m also able to laugh at myself for sounding like my parents and my grandparents.
I’m less tolerant of drama, attention grabbing, and system twisting while finding myself more merciful toward those attempting to cope during a rough time in our world.
I strive less to wait on God. I am more patient. I have learned to stand on His promises rather than run after my own desires. I still want what I want when I want it, but have learned to ask first and be ok with ‘not right now’.
I have idiosyncrasies that at one time would have made me blush but now I don’t even notice. I have lost my grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, friends, my sister, a beloved stepmom and husband; but my sweet parents are both very much alive and healthy and I've gained inexplicable love with Roy.
My hearing is going south but my spiritual ears are more attuned. I’ve found quiet time is a good thing. In fact I crave it. Time to meditate on the Word of God; how I can give more, love more and become more like the Holy Spirit that hovers over me. Time to look back over the years; to laugh and cry and give thanks to the One who got me through so many situations. Time to ponder the future; to dreambuild with Papa God and set my eyes on where he is taking me.
I feel old(er) today. But still and yet God has a plan for me. I’ve not finished the race, in fact have not even gotten to the sprint yet. I’ve lived more years than I have left but I’ve learned to live with abandonment; I say yes and no at will, dance even though I don’t look the same in reality as I do in my mind’s eye, sing at the top of my lungs & wear make up as I please (oh yes, I understand those women who paint their faces & draw in their eyebrows and lips).
I preach to whoever will listen, wax eloquent over global issues, read the news & tell whoever is with me how they (whoever they are) should fix whatever I don’t agree with. I am no longer too concerned with being politically correct because I have learned relevance is in the eyes of the beholder. What I DO care about is that I do not grieve the Holy Spirit, that anyone can tell I love Jesus just by my countenance, my words and my actions.
So, 60 is creeping up & will be upon me next week. In MY mirror I see a young girl brimming with hopes and dreams. I see beauty the Lord created me with. I see Eve with her Adam trying to save a nation and bring revival to a world in need. I see a teacher, a preacher, a prophet, a missionary and a lover of life all encased in the wrinkles of a good, full and incredibly happy woman.
Happy Birthday to me.