Crystal Invasion

Pure white mist

covers the valley

obscuring the mountains

from my sight.

Tenderly clinging to rose bushes

and grass-covered yards

homes are blanketed,

desperately send smoke signals

through their chimneys.

Soon it lifts

as if You’ve called it home

leaving behind

crystal remnants of the invasion.

A little like you, Lord.

I love crystal chandeliers, crystal candle holder, crystals hanging from any and everything.  Today, the sun shines through the windows and captures the light and colors of the world that surrounds them.  Prisms of light dance across the room in a playful display of joy… they pulse and radiate life…the red of the rose, the gold of sun, the green of the ivy and maroon of the room I’m sitting in. 

Captivated, I weep at the beauty.  I see You in every color, filling my life with passion and a hunger for more.  More of the One that loves endlessly and fervently.  More of the One that pours grace and mercy at the sound of “I’m sorry”.  More of the One that holds us when we are lonely, tired, lacking courage or bravado.  More of the One that takes every tear and stores it in a bottle. 

You’ve spoken promises over my life.  Promises I’ve packed away to observe at a later date and determine whether I’m ready or not.  They steal around the atmosphere today, peeking out from the crystal invasion, calling out to me, poking at me… tag you’re it.  And I am.  It’s time to say Yes.  It’s time to let go of the insecurities holding me back from running to the doors You stand prepared to open.  I’m ready to experience my defining moment, my strong & courageous season, my such a time as this. 

So I stir, from the carefree radiance of my illuminated world, to your arms.  One final waltz before we go…You and I…caught in the continuum of beauty.  Our Song of Songs.  The music ends.  I curtsy as reality births itself from the reverie.  I take off my dance shoes; tack on my armor and leave.  Through You, all things are possible.  Ready or not, here I go.

Blue and Broken

Pick up your heart

blue and broken

and entrust it to Me.

I will mend it

I will caress it

I will never misuse it.

Man can be so careless

with the fragile

but I created you.

For Myself

to be a light

to move mountains.

I will capture those tears

and clutch them to My heart

as pure joy.

I will embrace you

you will embrace the promise

and together

we will build My Kingdom.

Today I made Ice Tea…sun tea to be exact.  I chose the correct glass pitcher, filled it with RO water and added the perfectly picked tea bags to create a wonderful blend of sun drenched tea.  I set it out on the porch, covered so no bugs could get in, and left it to boil.  As I turned to come back in the house I was thankful for the grace of God.  For the love of Christ.  For a wonderful earthly family, husband and friends.  It’s been a long road for this girl.  There was a time I would think, ‘Here I am, covered in grace, loved by the Only One that matters, bound for greatness in His eyes and yet I have no love for myself.’  Struck down by words as a child, I fought a life tormented with insecurities.

I have my father’s feet; lovely on my father, not so attractive on me.  The infamous Venus di Milo second toe stretching beyond the first toe is apparently unattractive except on a Greek goddess.  I have my mother’s ankles and beautifully developed dancer legs, but in elementary school they are tagged ‘bird legs’. 

When I was 8 years old I had a friend who forever teased me about my ankle’s being too skinny and my toes too long.  And so I spent many years before and after the flash dance era wearing my socks scrunched down around my ankles and closed-toe shoes.  I was a faux pas waiting to happen.  My father would tell me that my ankles were not skinny, but shapely, and that Venus de Milo’s second toe was beautifully captured in sculpture.  But the voice of my ‘friend’ rang louder in my ears than the voice of my father who loved me more than any other earthly person.   

I began to see other flaws; one eye smaller than the other, one lip higher, one imperfectly formed eyebrow, barrenness… those are the things that shaped the way I felt about myself.  I’m not alone in this.  My younger brother faced much insecurity because he struck out as he came up for the winning run when he was a little boy.  There are the abused, the disabled, and the unwanted; all crying out for encouragement.  But sometimes a word isn’t enough.  What I’ve discovered as I walk with the Lord is that we must inhabit the belief that we are created BY God in HIS image!  How beautiful is the Face of He who sent His son in propitiation for our sins.

Though we are a fallen race, and must watch that fine line between walking in humility while knowing that we are Kings and Queens in His eyes, we must not allow others to determine the assurance in which we move through life.  1John 4 tells us we must love one another, for love springs from God and that we must know and understand the love God cherishes for us.  

“God is love and he who dwells and continues in love dwells and continues in God and God dwells and continues in him.  In this, love is brought to completion and attains perfection with us that we may have confidence for the Day of Judgment because as he is so are we in this world”.   

We must first love ourselves.  Now when I look in the mirror, rather than seeing a distorted view of the world’s image, I focus on the words of Song of Solomon 4:7, "You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you."  You are beautiful in the eyes of your Beholder!

Beyond the word cancer

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because god has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. (Romans 4:3-5 NIV)

I talked to one of my best friends this afternoon.   We’ve been friends for many years.  Through thick and thin.  Good times and Bad.  Today I shared all the details of our jaunt across Kenya.  Everything.  All the laughter and tears, the bittersweet moments of holding broken children, the old friends and new, each road and what it was like this time, each church, each person…everything I could think of. 

I told her how many people were praying for her even across the world…speaking life into her body, now wracked with cancer.  She should have been with us, but instead was fighting the good fight.  We didn’t talk much about the chemo or the pain or the loss of waist-length thick hair. We refuse to play into the hand of the enemy.  No, we zoomed by it and spoke instead of what life will bring tomorrow, next week, months and years from now.  Each word a dynamic press towards abundance. 

I’ve been down this path before with a loved one. Yes, cancer demands our attention.  It sucks the joy out of us and attempts to replace it with false bravado.  But God.   There is nothing false in Him.  There is joy in the suffering.  I breathe deeply and pull out the memories of a time gone past, looking them over one by one.  God’s grace is sufficient for each of us to embrace and come out the victor.  All those many years ago He sent His son to take the stripes & if you wipe away the tears to look closely you will find there are so many miracles woven through the fabric of anguish.  So many moments God’s hands reach down to hold them up when we cannot, offering the tender care of a future, just as promised…a future and a hope.  Divine marvels captured & clung to.   

So we caught up on all the news of the past few weeks, giggling over the silliness of life and the people in ours.  We made plans for our next conversation, our next visit & our next trip.  We hugged as only old and dear friends can over a phone line.  And I wept.  For what she must endure.  That I can’t be there for her.  For how she will be changed.  And yet God.  Our amazing and wonderful creator.  He will bring alongside her those that love beyond words, laugh through the tears and intercede with the Heavens…and with it healing. 

Today was a hard day.  I battled the line between whose report to believe and chose to act on the report of the Lord.  The stand came through tears.  I had to pull it out of myself.  It’s never pretty when you desire to be so perfectly staunch in God’s word and find a glitch, but Kingdom mentality won.   The Heavenly picture of my Father’s home brought the manifestations of grace to create with my friend new memories to look forward to.  Life.  That in abundance.  For eternity.