A Bite of Grace

There is a commercial that shows the Olympic medalists taking a bite of their medals & it says “Celebrate with a bite”. 

Now I have many scars.  (I’m not talking about emotional ones, though I’m sure I have a few of those as well); physical scars, none of which spoke of celebration.  I have a scar on my head where I went through a windshield, scars on my hands where they were torn off by gravel and I had to have the palms sewn over the tops, a scar on my leg where a car landed on top of me and scars on my lip, ear & wrists where Sylvester bit me.  Some of my closest friends bear resemblance as they carry the same scars on their fingers. 

My ‘son’ is adorable, cute, fun and smart.  He knows what he wants, when he wants it and as a parrot his go-to strategy when unhappy is to, yes, BITE.  After 32 years I have gotten a clue.  I watch his facial expressions, garner his movements and listen for sounds of unsettledness. 

But one night I missed the boat.  He was on my head as usual, but I was bent over to read something Roy was showing me.  Sylvester began to slip and I kind of jerked up to keep him from falling.  Therein lay one of my saddest mistakes.  He reached down, grabbed my ear to keep from falling.  I jerked (from pain!) again and he bit down.  My first thought was why do people pierce their ear up here; my second thought?  Set him down carefully so you don’t hurt him.  I calmly walked to his cage, placed him on his perch and began to cry like a little girl.  It hurt so badly and blood was spurting and Roy was freaking out. We got the bleeding under control when I heard, “Boo Hoo Hoo. Vester loves Momma”.  Awe, he knew he hurt his mom.  I went over, picked him up and let him kiss me.  “Are you alright”, he asked.  Yes, mommy is fine.  Life moved on. 

A while later I was talking with God.  I love Him so much. 

"How can you extend so much grace"?

"I love you".

"How can you love disobedience, laziness, unrighteousness..."?

"My father commands it.  Love Him, love you my child."

"I guess I don't understand because I have no children".

"You have Sylvester.  When he bites you, you still reach out your hand to hold him again.  Others won't.  They may care for him, play with him, and even think he is cool - but they won't pick him up.  Only you.  

Only me.  You can bite me with careless words, thought or actions but I will always pick you back up again." Once you say you are sorry, you are forgiven.  Life moves on.

Valentine’s Day

Sunbeams illumine our room

filtering through the dusky morning

to fall on the face of my beloved.

How beautifully have You assigned my life,

Oh Lord.

and what rapture my heart feels

as I look upon my lover.

All of Heaven surely erupts in a sweet song;

a melodious joining of voices.

-Angels raising the rooftops-

A future of promise lies

in the hand I hold.

What wonderful knowledge.

What divine tenderness.

What extraordinary love.

It’s Valentine’s Day. I used to shudder a bit, put on a brave face and march through the day. After Phil died I was adamant I would not marry again. I had things to do for God. I had plans. Anyway, who could take the place of one you had matured with, found the Lord with and muddled through all the ‘growth’ pains with?  

But God.

When the Lord told me I would marry again & introduced me to the handsome man I would spend the senior years of my life with I was intrigued but stubborn. What about my plans, God? Trust Me.  What about Africa? Trust Me. But, I just bought a home & new furniture…But, But, But… Trust Me. 

I found out that God does not ‘replace’ but ‘enhances’ love. Today I stand next to this incredible person, shrouded in the Holy Spirit, so full of life and love and tenderness; so thankful I said yes to God and yes to Roy. Appreciative of their patience as I inhale a joy I haven’t known in a very long time.  After many years of battling grief, I stand next to my hunk-a-burnin’-love and face the future with my hand securely in his knowing that whatever God has for us we will have an adventure in running after it.  

Trust Me.  Oh, I am so thankful I did. 

Hosea 2

I had a dream. In my dream young girls came and got me from my home.  They took me to an old Little Theater where they did my hair, nails, and my makeup.  They made me look younger.  I liked it & looked forward to every Friday night when they would steal me away.  One night they put me on the stage.  In front of me was a wall with windows that were higher than me.  I could hear my husband’s voice saying, “You are beautiful the way you are” over and over.  I got on my tip toes and looked through the window.  He had a Groucho Marx mask on and they had him by the arms & were taking him out as he kept saying the words again and again.  I began to run down the stairs to get him, but a friend was there.  She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me up a different set of stairs.  She said, “You have something on your nose and you’re getting something on your mouth”.

When I woke up I inquired of the Lord.  He reminded me that I was created by Him and FOR Him.  I don’t need the approval of others, I don’t need to listen to others or please others.  HE is the lover of my soul.  He encouraged me to grab an old journal that a friend had given me.  In the front she had written many words of encouragement including scripture, quotes and old sayings.  One was Hosea 2:14-16.  “And went after her lovers; But Me she forgot,” says the Lord.  “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, Will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. ¹⁵ I will give her vineyards from there, And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; She shall sing there, As in the days of her youth, As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt. ¹⁶ “And it shall be, in that day,” Says the Lord, “That you will call Me ‘My Husband, And no longer call Me ‘My Master.

(My Friend’s) Amplified Version - Because I desire intimacy with you, even if you are afraid of such divine closeness and run after other things to fill the void and even though you have forgotten that only I can fill it, I will do this:  “I will draw you gently out of the place you are in and I will lead you into a dry place, a deserted and lonely place and there I will speak precious and tender truths to you.  In that dry, heated place of seeming death and wilderness, I will begin to give you back your fruitfulness.  Not just a cluster of fruitfulness but an entire field of vines that will regenerate and continue to bear fruit through the seasons. And I will make the low places of trouble, the place of mistakes made and old sins help onto, the place of failure and death, I will make that place a door of hope for you. The Valley of Trouble will be the very entryway into your destiny and you will cross the threshold from despair to hope and destruction to salvation.  There you will have your heart renewed and remade.  It will swell with joy and peace.  It will be filled with songs as it did when you were young, when you first were set free from your bondages and held victory over the enemies of your past.  In that day, I will restore the intimacy that has been lost between you and me and you will call me, “My true partner”, “My soul mate” and you will no longer feel that I am your master but that I am your lover and you are mine.

As I read that 1^st line God brought to my attention that in always seeking the next ‘thing to do’, whether it was personal, ministry, household or otherwise important or good thing, I was running from His calling of divine intimacy.  I had spent much time in His presence pre-hurt.  Once I broke through the pain and became healthy again, I kept busy.  I may have been afraid of getting too lost … but I filled the ‘void’ with busy work.  I would hear Him calling.  I could feel His presence hovering over me.  I even desired the time on my face with Him.  I need it like I need the air I breathe.  And yet…I ran.  I couldn’t hide forever because as David says in Psalm 139, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? ⁸ If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.”  Today’s gentle reminder is that He loves me just the way I am.  I need no mask, no fancy words.  I don’t need to prove anything.  I can lay it all down just where I am at, fall to my knees and allow Him wash over me.  Now is a good time.

As a good friend always tells me, we were designed to be human ‘be’ings, not human ‘do’ings.  Be unto the Lord.